Dear Buchanan Group,
Your "Advertising Solution" Medifacts is a callous insult. It is neither helpful nor informative, but rather a sly ad concocted by cynical marketing graduates to prey on the weak of mind, those easily duped by advertisement masquerading as information. In your own words, Medifacts is “a concept that avoids overly medical terms, yet is convincing and authoritative.” By claiming to give genuine medical advice without any legitimacy, you undermine and undervalue important medical advice given by qualified healthcare professionals.
I feel similarly about Brand Power, another of your slick advertising solutions. You present information as a disinterested third party ostensibly trying to help consumers “make an informed purchase decision.” This advertising methodology “acts as a credible report on [the] brand and empathizes with the viewer by demonstrating a genuine insight into their lives.” These ads claim to help consumers “buy better;” drop the act – what you want is people to buy, period.
With Zoot Review, you capitalize on modern society’s moronic obsession with celebrity endorsement, and package it as helpful third-party brand advice. Perhaps I’m alone, but there are few groups I trust less than celebrities when it comes to making informed, practical decisions. You describe Zoot as “candid, natural and believable,” yet these are three of the last words I would associate with celebrities, not to mention celebrity endorsement.
Call me crazy, but I like my medical advice to use medical terms; when I want helpful neighbourly advice about shopping I ask my helpful neighbour; I’m naturally distrustful of celebrities, who I find vacuous and self-obsessed, and I don’t value their advice.
Obviously this strategy of infomercial-esque advertising is effective; it is also morally bankrupt and deceitful. As your global client list suggests, you are at the fore of “third-party information-based” advertising, a considerable achievement in an industry dominated by disingenuous profit-driven bottomfeeders.
Congratulations on a job well done.
Yours,
John
Showing posts with label advertising. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advertising. Show all posts
An open letter to Pizza Hut
Dear Pizza Hut,
I’d like to express my alarm with your operations in light of my most frequent order.
The incident in question was no more than a month ago. I ordered a Panormous pizza, which I was assured by your television advertisement would be not only an awkward and ungainly portmanteau, but would, more importantly, be “so big it never ends.”
Seeing as I was with a friend, we were hungry at the time, and we both estimated that we would each be hungry at least twice a day from then on, for the rest of our foreseeable lives, we decided that purchasing an infinite amount of pizza for $14.99 was not only a good deal but a wise and foresighted choice.
I firmly believe that truthfulness and forthrightness are essential qualities in honest dealings and worthwhile relationships, so I will not waste words with you. You lied. Blatantly. Clearly. Unwaveringly. You lied remorselessly, without consideration of your overweight but dedicated base of loyal customers.
Did you think they wouldn’t notice their pizza ending? That can’t be, because there is but the slimmest chance that your characteristically pudgy customers wouldn’t notice their pizza supply terminating. Did you think they wouldn’t care when they finished their endless pizza? Also unlikely, again given the portly nature of your devotees. Why, then?
It’s because you don’t care about honesty, and that’s despicable. It’s because you have no respect or sense of accountability to your customers, and that’s deplorable. It’s because advertising is so out of hand that corporations can blatantly and maliciously lie to consumers to benefit themselves, and consumers are so apathetic and complacent that they hardly notice being lied to, let alone care. That isn’t your fault, but shame on you for exploiting the situation.
It would have been just as easy, and this whole situation could have been avoided, had you simply said: “this pizza is considerably larger than any pizza we have previously sold.” Instead, you opted for the lie, and in so doing lost a customer.
Oh, and your pizza is mediocre at best.
Yours,
John
I’d like to express my alarm with your operations in light of my most frequent order.
The incident in question was no more than a month ago. I ordered a Panormous pizza, which I was assured by your television advertisement would be not only an awkward and ungainly portmanteau, but would, more importantly, be “so big it never ends.”
Seeing as I was with a friend, we were hungry at the time, and we both estimated that we would each be hungry at least twice a day from then on, for the rest of our foreseeable lives, we decided that purchasing an infinite amount of pizza for $14.99 was not only a good deal but a wise and foresighted choice.
I firmly believe that truthfulness and forthrightness are essential qualities in honest dealings and worthwhile relationships, so I will not waste words with you. You lied. Blatantly. Clearly. Unwaveringly. You lied remorselessly, without consideration of your overweight but dedicated base of loyal customers.
Did you think they wouldn’t notice their pizza ending? That can’t be, because there is but the slimmest chance that your characteristically pudgy customers wouldn’t notice their pizza supply terminating. Did you think they wouldn’t care when they finished their endless pizza? Also unlikely, again given the portly nature of your devotees. Why, then?
It’s because you don’t care about honesty, and that’s despicable. It’s because you have no respect or sense of accountability to your customers, and that’s deplorable. It’s because advertising is so out of hand that corporations can blatantly and maliciously lie to consumers to benefit themselves, and consumers are so apathetic and complacent that they hardly notice being lied to, let alone care. That isn’t your fault, but shame on you for exploiting the situation.
It would have been just as easy, and this whole situation could have been avoided, had you simply said: “this pizza is considerably larger than any pizza we have previously sold.” Instead, you opted for the lie, and in so doing lost a customer.
Oh, and your pizza is mediocre at best.
Yours,
John
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